Has one of you been trying desperately to get in touch with me? While being opposed to traditional ways of doing so, like a phone call or email? I only ask because there is a bird outside my office window. He's doing a pretty good impression of his brethren, the woodpecker, because he's tap-tap-tapping on the glass.

The weird thing is that this has been going on for the past week, week and a half. The first time my shades were down; I couldn't immediately place the sound. Peering between the shades, I came eye to eye with the bird, who refused to be alarmed. I thought he had accidentally flown into the glass, as has happened before. But no; he was flapping his wings with something akin to impatient determination, as if anxiously waiting for me to answer his knocks. I had to mime opening the window before he flew away.

Since then, the bird has come by every single day, including the weekend. Each time he taps on the pane and flaps those wings furiously. He goes only when I threaten to smack him in the face with an opened window. Is he carrying to me a message? Is he surveying the grounds so that his friends can launch an attack? Does he want the office as a nest? Does he think I have his children? Should I read him as a collegial vulture who's circling? It's beginning to freak me out.